After the PET scan results, we were all on high alert about what the nodules on my mom’s lungs could be. We knew what the worst case scenario was, and we were on our knees in prayer that we wouldn’t be headed down that path again.
I couldn’t take off of work, nor was I certain it was safe to be around my mom after COVID hit our house, so my dad took her. This made me nervous from jump because I know how he drives, how much of a behind he can be, and how much support my mom would need, but not get. I had hoped my brother would step in here, but I guess he couldn’t get off either.
My mom let me know when they were making the journey downtown. She was nervous, as was I.
I swore I blinked and they made it down there. This was not expected because…I know how my dad drives. I guess he was not messing around this day.
My mom was checked in, and soon after, getting prepped. She listed me as the person who would get updates, so I turned the volume up on my phone to ensure I didn’t miss any notifications. It took some time for the procedure to start, but I finally got the notification that it did. Now… we wait!
It felt like all eternity! I eventually got another text that things were going as expected during the bronchoscopy. Say that five times fast! It felt like a lot of time had passed again and I had to check to see if my dad heard anything. He had not, but I guess I did not realize exactly how long it would take. Eventually, I got the text that she was in the recovery area. Soon after, my mom also texted me that she was out. She was alert, and just had a sore throat and cough. It was to be expected for the next few days.
It took a couple more hours, but she was released, and they were on their way home. I FaceTimed with her for a bit on the way home. She was in good spirits, despite the annoying cough and painful throat. I told her to spare her voice and call her son. I figured, she could get some face time in with him before she had to retire her voice for the night.
She got home and settled. We were all happy that part was done, but there we were again…awaiting another pathology.
We know all things will work out according to His purpose and plan, and we are praying for the best possible outcome here.
Pathology results were going to take 2-3 days. Pathology…I don’t have a fondness for the word. It hasn’t historically yielded positive outcomes, so just the word alone makes me nervous.
I anxiously waited last Thursday an Friday for my results. Nothing! I even called late Friday to see if they were in, and maybe a nurse had not gotten around to calling yet. Nothing! I had to wait the weekend!
Good thing I had stuff to keep me busy. Side story, Thing 1 asked for a bedroom makeover for Christmas. Because she got sick, my plan to give her that was delayed. I picked it back up last weekend and went ahead and made some more progress on it while I anxiously awaited Monday.
Today came and I vowed not to call the Doctor’s office. I was going to pray, be patient, and await the call. I went on about my work day and at about 4p my phone rang. #BraceForImpact#PutOnYourArmor#YouGotThisEitherWay
The nurse was really nice, but she won me over at benign! Let me say that again…BENIGN!!!!!!!! The results were benign and the Doctor wants me to do a repeat MRI in 6 months to ensure the spot that was no longer there is still gone.
I can’t even begin to explain the level of anxiety that I experienced through all of this. I know, the Bible says to worry not, but the way I am set up, I mentally prepare myself for worst case. That way, I am strong enough and prepared enough to fight the good fight. Right or wrong, it is how I have always been.
I know that when people see me, they see a well put together woman who is typically smiling, joking, and laughing (the hubby probably begs to differ here). It’s my coping mechanism. If y’all only knew what God has brought me through, though! He just gave me another testimony to His goodness. He did not give me anymore than I could handle and He saw to it that I could get through this and continue to focus on my mom. My biggest worry was that these results were going to shift my focus and the level of care I could give my mom. But He had different plans!
I’m going to get right to it. Today, I had my first biopsy!
I had an appointment for this biopsy on 12/17 originally. The plan was, results would come in before Christmas and I would know one way or the other what was going on. When Cadence got sick, I had to reschedule. It was like the finish line moved. My baby was sick, though, so if it had to move for a good reason, it would always be because my babies come first.
I walked into the imaging place having worked that morning. I had barely eaten, which was not what the doctor advised. I had a rushed morning at work and neglected myself…again. I have got to do better! I checked in and waited.
I was finally called back, it was well past my appointment time, and it was time to get my IV. The first attempt…vein collapsed. Second…third…fourth…you get the picture…collapsed. After the first attempt, the nurse called in reinforcement…2 nurses. After attempt three, two more onlookers came in to help. They tried all over my arms and hands. They were touching all over me trying to find a good vein and I was getting irritated. For starters, there was one nurse in there who swore she knew me and this happened before (I think she remembered my mom, this happens to her too). But that same nurse was rubbing my shoulders and back telling me “you’re ok.” Honey, I don’t know what look my face is presenting, but the only ones not ok is about to be all five of you! Poke me again! And don’t y’all know COVID is real? Wait…don’t answer that! It’s bad enough y’all just saw family over the holiday and now I have to deal with five different opportunities to get Rona! #GetOffMe
The first nurse was almost ready to reschedule me. She gave it one last college try. It was the SEVENTH try, but she got the IV in a vein! Guess I didn’t eat OR drink enough, and I was dehydrated. Battered and bruised does not begin to describe how I looked. Here is a post-picture of where the IV landed…
I guess I should mention, this was a breast biopsy. A little backstory, I was having breast pain for some time. I went to my OB who ordered a mammogram. The mammogram showed what the radiologist believed was fibrograndular tissue, but he had no way of knowing for sure since it was my first mammy. He told me to come back in 6 months. #TheDevilIsALie
I reached out to my OB and asked for an MRI. I was not about to be a statistic. Black women draw the short stick with things being found early. That was not going to be me. The radiologist was heated. Not my problem, boo. I will continue to advocate for myself and my family. Sooooooo…
After an initial rejection for the MRI by insurance, it was finally approved. When I had it done, they found 2 suspicious areas on my left breast. They recommended the biopsy at that time. #6MonthsMyAss
Back to today, the biopsy was an MRI guided biopsy. They took more pictures to make sure they were sampling the exact location of the two areas. Before the biopsy started, the nurse said, the doctor only sees one area now. It is the one that was more concerning. So, he’s going to just sample that one and you don’t have to get poked twice. #PraiseGod
The process was intense and uncomfortable. The first journey in after numbing I could feel. I had to be numbed again. But the actual biopsy portion as quick…and loud. Like, horror movie drill loud.
Because of the vein fiasco, it took 3 hours for a 1 hour procedure. Once done, I got a repeat mammogram so that we have a new baseline. Then, my girls were bandaged up. Funny story, the lady had two rolls of bandage. I was like dang, that’s a lot! She only used one. Then, I realized…these girls come in all sizes. She was prepared for them double D’s, but I ain’t got them, sooooooo…one roll it is. #StillBlessedWithWhatIGot
When I got out, I missed several calls and texts from my mom. I must come clean, only the hubby knew about the biopsy. My mom was getting a call from the doctor about her lungs and she wanted me to be on. I felt so bad!!! I am never NOT available. She ended up getting my brother to join the call with her, but I still felt horrible. At the call, she found out he was prepared to do HER BIOPSY the following week. #LordHelpMeAndHealHer
I was uncomfortable and in pain for the rest of the night. Then, I had to prepare myself mentally for my mom’s biopsy. #AnxietyIsReal
I thought I would have the ability to chronicle the COVID crisis in this house daily, but it did not work out that way. So, let me catch you up.
Right after my last post, the hubby had to take Thing 1 to the ER. When she learned what shortness of breath truly meant, she realized she was having it. By God’s grace and mercy, her oxygen levels looked good and her chest x-ray was normal. But before we got to that good news…I cannot tell you how much I lost it that night. I called on my prayer warrior, and she went to town on my behalf. I was so knee deep in crying I couldn’t. I am so grateful for her. She and I have been riding for over 20 years and I am looking forward to what we see each other through in the next 20. #GodMakesNoMistakes #PrayerWorks #PrayerChangesThangs #WeServeAMercifulGod In addition to my prayer warrior, my bro and sister-in-law swooped in and did what they do…encouraged me. They were about to settle in for a movie, but instead, they pumped the breaks to talk me through this storm that I could not see my way through. We may not talk on the daily, but my family will show up and show out when needed. I couldn’t be more blessed! #FamilyChangesThings #BeEncouraged #BetterTogether
We eventually made it to December 23rd…the isolation end date. We thought we would have to continue, since Thing 1 continued to spike a fever, but she made it. It was our Friends & Family Secret Santa day too, so what better way to celebrate. And because everyone would be there AND we weathered a mighty storm, the hubby and I decided to unveil the girls’ big Christmas present early.
During the Virtual Secret Santa shindig, we asked the girls to pick a box for us to unwrap to see if their gift was in the box. This worked well in our heads, but when it was game time, the present got loose…TWICE! Six SUGAR cuss words later and we said, forget it! I unwrapped the two boxes that were empty and showed the girls. NOTHING! Then, we revealed what was in the last box. The girls were so happy! They weren’t loose your ish happy the way I thought they SHOULD be, but they were happy. Thing 1 was happy-unhappy because she couldn’t pet and snuggle the dog. We were being super cautious, so we restricted both girls. Thing 1 also had an inkling we were getting a puppy too…guess we are good at being transparent when we don’t want to be! Here are the official in-person meetings later that night…
We had a good night! I cannot wait for the Secret Santa shenanigans to move back to in-person, but however we get together is always a good time!
Then, Christmas Eve happened. Nothing eventful, but I was GEEKED! That little one didn’t want to go down, but eventually, we were able to get our Santa on…
“Santa Claus is coming to town…”
#TeeHeeHee#GetIt?
Christmas Day was good, just looked different again. We were supposed to do brunch at my bro and SIL’s, but quarantine threw a monkey wrench in those plans. So, the girls slept in…LATE. Then, we video chatted with the family as they opened their gifts…
“Hang all the mistletoe, I’m going to get to know you betterrrrrrr…This Christmas!”
Corgi, corgi EVERYTHANG! We may have overdone it for Christmas, but I honestly did not care. We made it through a storm and if it took STUFF to put a smile on my kid’s faces…SO BE IT! #BlessedToSeeAnotherChristmas#COVIDFreeChristmas#PraiseGod
The following week, we did have another health challenge. This time for my mom. We found out a week or so ago that her lung nodules had grown. The next step was for her to do a PET scan. She did that on Christmas Eve Eve. Results of the scan showed they did light up. Still no confirmation on if this is the worst case scenario, but a more invasive test was recommended. This test will be an ultrasound and biopsy. This cannot be done here, so we will need to make the trip downtown. I keep trying to remind myself that the Lord will not give me any more than I can handle, but it is getting hard. My mom fought through so much to get here, I pray her battle days are on pause for a bit. #LordHealHer #LikeOnlyYouCan #InTheMightyNameOfJesus
Fast forward to NYE. Since we would be virtual again, I planned on another Jackbox night. My mom participated last year, but this year, she was not feeling good. Leading up to the evening, the hubby and I binge watched The Witcher. Around 8ish, I passed out. Like, OUT OUT! When I came to, the hubby asked if I wanted to finish the episode we made it partway through. I obliged, but then that episode turned into watching the next and final one for the season. We wrapped up about 930p and the sandman still had a hold on me. I proceeded to go directly to bed…do not pass go…do not collect $200. All I can remember is waking up at 1218a to Thing 1 and Thing 2 still on their computers. I wished them a Happy New Year, tended to my full bladder, and went on back to bed! It isn’t often that I am about as limp as a noodle tired, but the last 2 weeks caught up to me. #ItFeltGooood
Welp, now you are all caught up!
What I will close with is this…
This has been a tough year…not just for me…but for a lot of people. COVID is still around, and it is packing a punch. All of the other illnesses of the world didn’t go away when COVID arrived either. We are left to manage those illnesses with a virus that has ravaged our world. IT’S A LOT! But with all of the uncertainty of 2021, I learned to put my armor on…and keep it on! Every day I wake up with life is another day I can stand tall for any battle that comes my way. I am grateful for each day because it didn’t have to be, and if God saw to it that I wake up, I better suit up and be ready. If I stay ready, I don’t have to get ready, right? #ArmorOn #GratefulForANewDay #GratefulForANewYear #Purpose2022
Goodbye life I thought I was going to live…and HELLO life I am meant to live according to His purpose and His plan!
I woke up pretty early today. I realized I didn’t write the letter form the elf. #OhSugar I know…I know…I got a lot going on. We have been trying to make this time as normal as possible. It isn’t the kids’ fault, so why should they suffer.
I get the letter typed out and print it. I texted the hubby to make sure he got it off the printer and put it with the elf. See, he moves the elf and I write the letter. Together, we gets it done. Well, I didn’t get a response and Thing 2 was starting to stir. Then, Thing 2 was up.
I raced downstairs to get the paper off the printer, but before I could even get downstairs I saw the elf never moved. #PISSED Now, I get it. We have a lot going on, but the gaming night owl had ample time to get Zylo (the elf) moved. Thing 2 noticed right away that Zylo didn’t move. This is the second time…the first time was the night Thing 1 tested positive.
Eventually, the hubby got Zylo moved on the sly. Thing 2 was like, hole up, hole up. hooooole up??? Where did Zylo go? She eventually found her, and read the new letter. She was tickled pink that she turned her head for one second and Zylo got away from her. #ThatWasClose#StillPissyThough
We spent a good amount of time on FaceTime with Nana today. Thing 1 needed a bit of time to wake up and return to her normal, silly self, but she eventually came around. We also spent time FaceTiming with Grandma. FTing was so much better today. Because we were each on our own device, the girls were forced to be still and truly engage in both conversations. We all got a chance to laugh and connect, and it was much needed. #GirlTime
The rest of the day was spent getting Things 1 and 2 in the shower, playing Roblox, and watching the season finale of The Masked Singer. We re-tested Thing 1, just to see if she would still be positive, and she was. The line was a bit more faint, and I took that as a sign that this virus is on its way out. It may mean nothing, but I’d like to think I’m right. #LookingForHisSignsEverywhere
I have just one more day of work for the year, and then I am off! Not, the company is off and I may still need to work off. No, I…AM…OFFFFFF! I have given far too much of my life to my work. I am going to enjoy this time off with my family, virtually and all!
Thing 1 woke up asking to play Roblox with her cousin. After yesterday’s bids for connection, there was no way I was going to say no. I told her to go for it.
Meanwhile, Thing 2 woke up and tried to blow her nose on the sly. She knows, I am ON IT! I am the mom who knows your poop cycle, and will question it every time it is out of whack. So, Thing 2 knew I was going to be all over the disgusting things that were coming out of her little nose. I asked her, “did you get it all out?” To which she replied quietly, “no.” The child was going to try and go somewhere else to finish blowing her nose, just so she could do it in peace. #LMAO #IKnow #YouGotTheWrongMommaBoo
Off she went to the guest room and 5-7 minutes later, I think she was all done. #Yuck When I called Thing 2 into my room, she already knew what I was going to say. I told her, “I need to test you again.” Now, when this child gets pissed…she gets PISSSSSSED! Now, when this mom doesn’t care, she doesn’t CAAAAAARE! I got the most stank attitude out of that child. #GirlBye#WhoYou
Thing 2 cannot stand these nasal swabs, and I get it. We are where we are, though. I needed to make sure the right amount of precautions were taken should she now test positive. So, I swabbed her myself. She was mad about that, but I didn’t have time to watch her lightly touch her nose because she really didn’t want to do it. Nor did I want her to ask me to please turn around and not watch her. Nah, boo…you too slick for all that! Sidebar, she did that yesterday.
15 minutes later and she was negative again! #WellAlrightyThen I guess the common cold is still around after all. I hadn’t seen it in such a long time. So, Thing 2 began her own medicine regimen. I gotta watch her there too because as you may remember, the child has poured medicine out in a towel before. #SheIsSneaky #ButIGotsMyEyeOnYou#YouWillOnlyCatchMeSlippinOnce
My sick babies proceeded to veg out on Roblox, and I was in full support of it. Since I had such a restful day yesterday, I spent the day wrapping gifts in the basement. I got dishes washed, and put some soup on for dinner. I almost made it to do laundry, but we looked at each other and decided we really didn’t want to engage. I was good with that. There’s always tomorrow!
The day off was MUCH NEEDED! I asked the hubby if he would be able to be DoorDash for Things 1 and 2 because I was beyond worn out. I woke up, but was still tired when I did. The hubby said he could manage, so I fired up Netflix and found the movie Unforgivable.
I started watching the movie, but then my mind did what my mind does…wondered. I started to think about all of the Christmas shopping that went on pause with Thing 1 getting sick. So, I did what I typically do when I watch a movie…I hit pause!
I went through the Christmas list and started placing orders. In my mind I thought, if I could get all of this shopping done, it would take a huge burden off of my plate. So, off I went…on the journey to make room in my brain for something else other than buying gifts!
I put a good dent into the list. I was only left with a few folks, which I needed input from the girls on. Sooo…back to my movie!
Sandra Bullock and Viola Davis are just amazing actresses. Viola didn’t have a major role in the movie, but I just love seeing her on screen. She just amazes me because she truly can play anyone. #BlackGirlMagic
I finally finished the movie. IT…WAS…GOOOOOOD! Next, I moved on to my shows. I was able to watch Station 19, Grey’s Anatomy, & Teen Mom OG Reunions 1 & 2 (yeah, it’s a guilty pleasure). #DoNotJudgeMe
I needed today!
On the patient front, Thing 1 was still doing the same. The effects of isolation were getting to her, but I let her know that she was free to video chat with friends and family so that she could get the connection she needed. I will have to keep my eye on her. We made it this far, and I will make sure her bids for connection are addressed!
Today was my Friday. I originally had tomorrow off for some health testing, but I had to postpone it due to Thing 1’s positive test. Instead of giving back the day, I knew my body needed the day off.
Thing 1 is still up and down with the fever, and all other symptoms are still the same. Thing 2 started to feel icky when she woke up. She said her throat was sore and she was sounding congested. My body tensed up and began to brace for impact. #LordGiveMeStrength
I got a call from Thing 1’s school to go over where we are and what next steps are from a school perspective. Pretty much, isolation is over on 12/23, but since that is the first day of Winter Break, Thing 1 will just return after break. Technically, Thing 2 could test on Friday and if negative, return to school on Monday. I mentioned the way Thing 2 woke up today and she said, well, she is presumed positive since she is showing symptoms. #DONE
Thing 2 is now off until after break too; however, if she tests negative and is healthy enough, she will participate in her distance learning. This is not the kid who will work over Winter Break to get caught up unless you make her, and with that comes a lot of stress. Sooooooo, let’s not even get to that point. Distance learn, do your math sheets, and enjoy break…and by enjoy break, I mean, let me enjoy your break too!
We kept Thing 2 in the guest bedroom for her isolation. After a couple hours, she claimed she felt good…no sore throat, no nasal congestion…nothing! Magically, no symptoms…just like that, she was healed. I knew this had more to do with the fact that she could not freely roam the house, and leave her snack trail all throughout downstairs. Thing 2 could not be the Thing 2 that she works so hard to be! I told her, if you test negative, you can be free to roam about the house. I could see it in her face, she said to herself, “the devil is a lie!” See, Thing 2 doesn’t like the nasal swab, and she would rather be confined to the guest bedroom than test. So, she proceeded to enjoy her 4 walls, 3 hots, and a cot! We shall see how long this lasts!
I finished up my long work day. I had to make sure I was set before being off tomorrow. So, it took me until about 6p, but I did it. #HappyMyFriday!
I woke up at 307a. Why? I heard a pop in my gut and my bladder was full. WTF!?!? I then began the worry train. I get like this when stuff is on my mind. I may fall asleep, but if something wakes me up, I’m up. It took me some time to calm my anxiety. I think I fell asleep again around 6a, just to wake up at 7a. I laid there, praying to God that today wasn’t going to be an eventful day and my child won’t get worse.
Cadence woke up about the same. She said her stuffy nose was worse today, though. Her fever was still hanging on, so we continued the Tylenol regimen. For breakfast, she got 2 apple cider donuts again, and I made sure she could taste and smell them.
Because I was so exhausted, I texted my boss to let her know I would be in and out. I would care for my high priority tasks, but anything else was going to have to wait. I was so tired, my tired was tired!
In addition to work, my mom had a follow-up Neuro-oncologist appointment with the Nurse Practitioner. I attend those every other month virtually. I listened in as we got the normal readout of blood counts, wellness check, and what’s next. Everything is moving in the right direction so far. It will take some time for the counts to get back to where they need to be, and the kidneys will require some more water to get them flushed out better. I asked the doctor about my mom’s hug from Thing 1, and she said she felt her body was strong enough to fight off any infection should it need to. I know COVID plays by its own rules, but this was at least partially reassuring. #IWillTakeIt#ButStillIPray
At work, I tended to all of the items I had to get done. I was really operating in auto-pilot as I tended to work and Thing 1. I received a kind act from my boss. She sent me a $100 Instacart gift card. My boss’ sister and family just went through their own bout with COVID, and this was one of the things her sister said she would have appreciated. #GodShowsUpInOthers #MadeMyDay
When I finally wrapped up work, Thing 1 said she would try sitting in for our Girl Scouts meeting. Since I couldn’t lead, my co-leader was taking over and she had some fun things planned for them. First, they got to interview a toy maker, and then they got to play Christmas games and win prizes. Thing 1 hadn’t been around her peers in a few days, so this was a great distraction for her. While it was only via Zoom, it was still so amazing to see how much fun she was having with her friends. It was just like she was there. I am so grateful for my friend / co-leader for making sure Thing 1 got all of the same fun stuff they had at the meeting. Watching my baby still enjoy her life was the greatest moment so far! #TakeThatCOVID
I didn’t sleep well last night. Too much worry and anxiety for that. When I got up, I felt like I woke up to a bad dream, but it was still my reality. I hadn’t dreamt up my child’s COVID status. It was still very real.
Day 2 was a blur. I remember crying on and off. The DuPage County Health Department called, knowing they were likely not the right county to talk to me. That call hit hard because it made everything just that more real. I managed to make it through another work day, however, very pissy. I had too much more important things going on in my home and yet, I was still working. #JustATadResentful #IWontDoItAgain
Cadence did spike a fever last night and into today. I went ahead and medicated. We will get ahead of this the best we can. She was still eating pretty good, though. I surprised her with 2 apple cider donuts from the Orchard. I froze a dozen because we weren’t going to eat them all. Good thing I did because this brought a smile to her face. It was even better when she said she could smell and taste the deliciousness. I guess I have to call that a win! #SometimesItsTheLittleThings
